fly away with me

every time i think things will be different this time around…

you have to open your mouth and screw everything up again. stop stringing me along. stop leading me up. stop messing with me. fuck you. if i never really mattered, the mature thing to do would be to just let me go.

I don’t know how to feel.

And I sure as hell don’t know how to act. If someone could just tell me, that would be great.

I miss you.

I miss the guy who sat with me and Maria at Jenna’s and Lisa’s party because we didn’t know anybody. I miss the guy who took me out on a real date, giving me a chocolate rose and Hello Kitty, and didn’t expect a kiss at the end of the night. I miss the guy who drove in the middle of a rainstorm to bring me food in the middle of the night. I miss the guy who told me he wanted to marry me one day. I miss the guy who surprised me in Peoria, the guy who drove there in the middle of the night just to spend one night with me because I missed him so much. I miss the guy who told me I was beautiful and meant it. I miss the guy who I woke up to every Friday morning. I miss the guy who said nothing and nobody would get in the middle of our relationship. The one who said he was in love with me, and made me really believe it. I miss you. And it’s hard not getting a goodnight phone call anymore, and not being the first person I hear from in the morning. It’s hard having to cry myself to sleep every night, and wonder why wasn’t I enough. It hurt me when that girl said you were too good for me, because I’ve thought the same thing constantly over the past few months. I wondered why I was given someone who made me feel better on my saddest days, and made me laugh when I was stressed out about everything else. I’m sorry I can’t get over this, I can’t get over you, as fast as you got over me. I fell for you, and I guess I have to be strong enough to just pretend that it doesn’t hurt as much as it does. I loved you. I love you. I don’t know what else you wanted from me that I couldn’t give you.